Please don’t tell me to move on. 

When telling a grieving mother to be grateful for their children they already have said person needs to think. Please tell me which of your children are you willing to lose and live your whole life without? None? Then please don’t tell me that I’ll be okay because I have other children. 

I LOVE my children more then anything in the world, but they are not going to replace my twins. Just like my twins would never replace T cubed. I’m sorry if I make you uncomfortable with my talking about my stillborn babies but I am going to be uncomfortable my whole life. 

Every time I see someone pregnant my heart hurts. Every time I see a new born baby I feel nauseated. I can’t even eat.  I hear people talk about wanting to get pregnant and it makes me want to cry. I want to tell them it’s not worth the risk. It’s not worth the pain, the heart break, the feeling of being lost, the feeling of drowning and not knowing if you’ll breath again. 

Every time I think I can have a good day someone will ask me how I’m feeling and I instantly want to crawl in a hole and die. I’m NOT okay. I’m NOT having a good day. I am heart broken. I am devistated. I am dying on the inside. I am broken. My soul shattered. 

Please don’t tell me to move on. please stop telling me to be grateful. Please stop telling me that everything will be okay. Please stop telling me that I’m okay. 

I’m an emotional wreck and I accept that. I cry at everything. I’m fucking angry most of the time. I think I earned that. I think I’m allowed to have multiple personalities during the day. I think I’m allowed to have mood swings. I think I’m allowed to cry when I see or hear something. I haven’t danced, sung, or played an instrument since the 24th of February. I think I’m allowed to mourn without getting nagged. 

Please, don’t tell me to move on. 


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