This is it. 

Another Friday has come, I hate Fridays. They make me feel worse then I already feel about losing the boys. October hasn’t been all that good anyway. It’s national pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. It makes it hard to breath… to think…. it’s hard in general. I went to a ceremony to honor the boys and cried. 

I feel like that’s what I always do. Cry. I should be dehydrated by now. I’ve had 11 miscarriages, a miscarriage that was twins, and then the 34 week still born identical twin boys. I don’t know how I’m not a giant blob of tears with how much I cry. 

Tomorrow is the walk in honor of the boys. What I’ve been raising money for the past few months. I know I’ll be a mess but at least there will be other parents there that know my pain. 

I’m glad I’ll have my three earth babies there as well as my family. I’ll probably write after the event. If I can see since I’ll probably be a mess. 

I miss you boys. Every single day I miss you. Every second of every day. I would trade places if I could. I really would my sweet boys. 


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