There’s already a dark storm over your head from the stillborn Twins you had. Even when there’s a slight glimmer of hope you don’t tell people because you’re terrified something might happen.

But you still get a little excited when you see two lines saying pregnant. It terrifies you but it excites you. You don’t tell anyone and you just wait. A month passes. Another week another week. And you silently start to wonder maybe it’ll be okay. You start to maybe get a little excited. Then the blood starts and it doesn’t stop. Why would it? Because this is my life.

It’s so close to the anniversary of the twins first birthday and I am having a miscarriage. If this doesn’t describe 2018 I’m not sure what else can. It’s hard to get out of bed to be honest. More tears. More crying. More heart break. More disappointment.

I just want it to let up a little. That is all I am asking for. I’m asking for one day where I’m not crying. And I know that’s a lot with their birthday coming up. But my eyes are literally raw.


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