I realize how fucking bitter I have become. I see people announce pregnancies and it makes me nauseated. I see people with new borns and I turn and walk another direction. It can be people I have known my whole life and I don’t want to see them or their babies. I know it sounds ugly and it probably is. I want to be happy for them…I try to be, at least I think I do.
I’ve stopped following people on Facebook because they’re so baby obsessed and all they do is post about babies and they don’t have kids yet. And I’m reading what I’m writing and I know I sound mean, and it’s not really registering to really care? I’m not even sure if that is how to phrase it. Either way, I’m just exhausted with crying. The void that is always there feels like it just gets bigger.
I’ve talked to people and half of them say it get easier with time. Half of them say it just gets numb. It’s about to be the second Easter without Tristian and Thorin and it’s hard. It’s this sinking feeling in my stomach…I feel like broken record but how many different ways can I say I just miss my boys?
windandthewolf 