I’ll be perfectly honest, when I found out I was horrified. After Thorin and Tristian a positive pee stick is something that makes my heart stop. I starting sobbing in the doctors, they probably thought I was losing it.
Finding out they where twins I felt my heart drop. The thing is, I feel like I’m cheating on the boys… my emotions are all over. I want to be happy but then I feel guilty. Then I feel guilty about feeling guilty. My head is all over the place. I’ve never felt as alone as I do in this, even though I have a support system. But, none of them can really get it. Every time I spot, everytime I cramp I freak out. I take it out on everyone or I clam up and don’t want to do anything. The hardest part is knowing they’re momo and the same thing could happen.
Andrue is excited. He saw they where twins and freaked. I want to make him happy but I’m scared. So fucking scared.
The boys would be almost 3 and I can’t even imagine them running around while I’m pregnant with momo twins again. I try to stay positive but I’m literally so confused on how to feel I usually just go to bed crying. My heart and head are arguing over the whole thing.
I wish someone could sit me down and just tell me it’ll be okay and actually know. I looked at pictures of the boys and my pregnancy and cried a good two hours. I’m not sure what to do at this point. I’m not sure how to feel. Why I feel how I feel. Well, I know why… I just wish my Head would stop freaking out and my heart would stop hurting or feeling guilty.
This pregnancy has been hard enough, I just want a day I don’t feel like imma explode. Depression is a Bitch, hormones adding to it make it a hell of a lot worse. My entire world was turned upside down and I’m horrified it will again. But the feeling of guilt and confusion is the worse part.