Better off?

Sometimes I think everyone would be better off without me. I look at the scars on my wrists and think maybe if I had been sneakier. Or maybe if I had gone deeper….

I think the kids would be better off… my ex… rave…. my family … tribe…they’d all be better without me. Let’s face it, who the hell is better with a bad person in their life? It’d just be easier for everyone. 

The kids deserve someone who is happy and stable to raise them. Not someone who is ….me. Truth is I drag everyone down that is in my life. I’m moody and hormonal and just a bitch. 

Yeah, I have my good days but I fear I’m rubbing off on people. My favorite person has been depressed for a few days and I’m sure it’s because I just rub off on people and eventually break them. He deserves a thousand times better as well. Someone who won’t make him feel less then what he truelly is, which is a brilliant light of love and beauty. And I fear I’m dimming that light out. 

I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I’m slipping into the ants and I don’t think I’m coming back. 


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